Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
even my farts smell like vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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