That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize