Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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