I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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