I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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