I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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