the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
