I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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