yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
