I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
