Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
