He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
