4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
