i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
