Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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