I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
