How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
