my phone needs a breathalizer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
