I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
