We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
