Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
