do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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