my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
