I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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