clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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