I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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