sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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