I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
