To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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