everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
