you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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