saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
