I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're a waste of cheezeits
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
