Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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