i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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