jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
