As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
