Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
