is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize