Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
