So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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