I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
