I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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