I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
