She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
