A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
