hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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