ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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