shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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