I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hippo gnu deer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
NoShamevember. You game?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
