so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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