im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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