Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
