my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
