Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
