is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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