Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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