Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
