He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize