She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
