i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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