you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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