Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
