I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
