so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize