I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
