I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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