So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pooping to opera.
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