So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
