Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
