jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
