I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
