I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
